When do you get nervous?

It has been a long time since I was nervous about running. The thing is I basically know that I will cover the distance. I will not be the first, the thinnest, or the best looking runner, but I will get it done.  That said, every now and then we encounter a new challenge and with that sometimes comes nerves. I am finding that this isn't always related to the distance.

Our new group is very large. There seem to be about 30 people in the new 1/2 Marathon clinic.  This normally would not bother me, but there are people that I would like to run with and I am not as fast as them yet. There are people that I would like to help out, but I am worried that they will eclipse me too. 

Hill training is fast approaching us. This involves a 3km warm up run over to the hill at Mac. Then we start with (3) times up and down the hill followed by our return to the store.  We build strength and endurance by adding an additional up and down each week until we hit (8) repeats of the hill.  I had gotten quite good at this by my second to last clinic. But last clinic I had some knee and IT issues, as well as some heart rate issues from trying to sort out the thyroid levels. At times I stopped running up the hill because I had gone completely numb in my left hand. This really frightened me. I did not say anything to anyone about it, I just quietly took a bit of a breather and then carried on.

To tell you the truth running hills is a bit of a skill. The better that you get at it, the better that you get at running in general.  I want to get back to the form that I was proud of 2 clinics ago when I was actually beating people and not finishing at the very back of the pack. For all of the positive talk, it is nice to be able to finish in the middle some of the time.

So I ask myself what am I really scared of? What has really got me so nervous?  I have to be honest. It is not about what others think of me, it is what I think of myself. Once I am capable of something I expect to always be capable of it.  I am nervous because at the present moment, I am not sure if I will meet my own expectations. There is a lot of pressure on my shoulders, but it is all placed there by me. If I remove the pressure will it make me less of a competitive and, therefore, competent runner? If I give myself a break, will I take too much of a break? Do I not have to place this pressure on myself in order to get better and to learn? 

There is a lesson here. I just hope that I open my heart to it and learn it before I cause myself any pain or embarrassment.