a small look back.......

Like all years, 2011 was not without its challenges and tough spots. But it also provided lessons learnt, potential for growth, and a heck of a lot of joy. How am I going to top it?

The year started out great and then came February. It all got rough when we went on a family vacation in Florida that should not have been.  It was terrible. It was cold, the hotel was under construction, and I got really sick. Pneumonia. It was dreadful. I felt very sorry for myself until I got home and realised someone else was suffering much worse.  We returned to a very sick dog that needed some grace. It was time to let go and say goodbye to my long time friend and companion "Baxter". He had been my buddy and had my back for just about 11 years. It was a tough loss. I found a great friend in Trish who showed up and walked in the cold and helped me to cry it out. I knew she was a great lady, but that day I really learned how special she was and how helpful she could be to me.

March continued on a slippery slope.  I was training for Around the Bay and doing well. I was working toward a goal and was very proud of myself.  I was going to hot yoga regularly and was learning to connect with my body in a new way. I was training hard and I was doing well. Then it happened. Sickness struck again.  With only 2 days before the race I was diagnosed with strep throat and my race was about done.  In my stubborn self, I was unable to let it go so I had to toe the start line. This lead to a wounded pride and a DNF in the race. I only made it 21km.  Looking back on it I realise that I never should have started. I should have been good to myself and stayed home and saved it for another day. But I went out and ran in the race and made it farther than I had ever gone before. I think there is some type of victory there. 

March took me on a different Journey as I worked my way through a "30 day challenge" in Hot Yoga. It was liberating, tough, and an achievement I am proud of. It made me stronger and prepared me for quiet time as I sat in a room in isolation following radiation of my thyroid. It was a tough week but I made it through and came to the other side. My thyroid is now gone, but so are my symptoms and I finally sit in the "normal" range. I feel great. 

April, May and June were spent chasing dreams and promises of big jobs closing but there never seemed to be enough money coming in.The roof was leaking and there was damage in my computer room. Then work finally broke and I had the money to fix it. I also learned how special my nephews, brother in law, and brother were. They all showed up to help me remove a tree, fix the roof, and move on to better things.

The summer lead to a great Triathlon Season. I set a personal best and competed in good shape and with a happy heart. I was very proud of what I worked for and how my body responded. I was also happy that my family and friends showed up like never before and cheered me on. It felt so amazing and I felt so very blessed. I knew that I was for sure one of the lucky ones.

Then came the fall. Work moved forward and I got really busy. I was very happy to have large projects close and not enough time to fit it all in on some days. It was so nice to be busy after 2 years of work that were dicey and tough to get through.  I made plans for the future and trained for my very first 1/2 marathon.  Then I ran in and finished (2) 1/2 Marathons in 3 weeks. I took 16 minutes off of my time in the second race and felt very happy and lucky again.

So this is what I know.  Life is not without challenges. Some of them we create, and some of them come to us to see how we will manage in the face of struggle.  I welcome the challenge because it makes the victories and high points so much sweeter.

I plan on running and finishing the Around the Bay in 2012. I have a trainer and will be stronger and faster and leaner than ever before.  I plan on completing an Olympic Distance Triathlon this summer, and I plan on running the Road to Hope 1/2 marathon again. 

I will continue to work on myself. I will become stronger, more focused, more disciplined and more relaxed.  I will spend time with my friends, with my family and my dog. I will visit Arizona again this year, and I will give back more than ever before in new and different ways.

What I know for sure is I am stronger than I ever imagined and blessed in ways beyond measure.  I am lucky to have peace and joy in my life and blessed to be thankful and appreciative for all that comes my way.

Cheers to you all as you look back, I hope you like what you see. As you look forward, I hope you are able to make a plan that fits your life and gives you something to strive for.  May we all have a year full of love, life, happiness and good health. All the rest is icing on the cake.

Thank you

And so here we are, Christmas Eve. The season is now fully upon us and I am up and unable to sleep all restless with thoughts and full of feelings.

I love Christmas time. I love that people take more time to be a little more kind and a little more patient. I love that for a few short days, we remember that time with family and friends really is the most precious thing we have and are able to share.

I get so excited at this time of year because I love to see all the people I care about so happy. I think about it and I can hear the laughter and the kids squealing with delight at a gift or something funny that just happened in their day.  I can smell the food cooked with care for the family. I can feel the warmth of the hugs and genuine best wishes. I can see happy tears that come to our eyes, and feel them streaming down my face too.  It really is the very best time of year because we really are at our best.

I want to let you all know how much you mean to me.  I love my friends and family more than I say or more than I can properly express.  I love how you lift me up and encourage me. Your support makes it possible for me to be all that I am, and powers my dreams to become more.  I love that you give me something to live for. That wanting to be here for you and to be the best me that I can be for you makes me better and stronger and more deserving of all of you.

I am so excited to spend some uninterrupted time with all of you.  I am excited to share some gifts, some good food, some laughter and some joy with you all. I wish we had more time, but sadly this seems to be the only part of the year when everyone is able to carve out time on the same few days. So I will take it while I can get it, and I will soak it all in, and I will love every minute of it. 

Here is wishing you all love, joy, health and hope this Christmas. May you find all that you need this Christmas, and maybe a few extra blessings too.

Thank you and peace be with you.

just start

The hardest thing about anything is the first time. Remember how awkward and nervous you felt the first time you kissed someone? Imagine if it felt that way all of the time? I am sure that we would not kiss people. Fortunately for us, we are adaptable and capable of learning. We learn what we like, what others like, sometimes how to marry the two, and presto, before you know it, we are experts.

The first time that I walked into a Running Room store I was nervous as all get out. I was afraid that I would be the slowest in the class. I was afraid that everyone would be "real" runners and that I would be some "reasonable facsimile" thereof.  As I recall, I was one of the slowest, but I was running. I had a great group of women that kept me company at the back of the pack and encouraged me to keep coming back.  You know what? It got easier and I got better.  I am not great, fast or graceful, but I am a runner.

Last week I went to Hi-End Fitness for the first time. I knew that I wanted to make some changes to my routine so that I could build a better, faster, stronger me.  I was nervous as all get out. I was afraid that I would let an old friend down. I was afraid that I would not be good enough to go back. I was afraid that it would hurt.  But I knew better than to let fear dictate what I was going to do.

You know what? It did hurt. It was very difficult for me. I had to learn a lesson in humility and understand that I was there for a reason. I was there to get help. I was not the best I could be and that is why I was seeking help from an expert.  I did not let John down. I think he was proud of me for making the effort and taking the first step. He shook my hand and helped me to book two more appointments.

Today I went for my second lesson. I met a great trainer named Justin. He was going to be taking me through the paces today.  He pushed me and encouraged me, but also reminded me that this too will take time. Nothing worth having comes too easy. It was up to me to work and to push myself, but I would reap the benefit and the reward.

It was not as hard as the first time. It never is.  I got farther and did more. I feel stronger than last week because I went back. I moved on to the next step because I took the next step.

I know that working out can be hard. I know it can be scary and daunting and maybe even make you feel a little queasy.  But I also know that when things start out hard, the reward in conquering them is that much more sweet.

So my wish to all of you this Christmas season is to give yourself the gift of health. Take the first step and just start. You will not regret that you did. This I can promise.

and that's why

So earlier today I posted about "taking it up a notch" and changing things up. I wondered if going to see a trainer was going to make me puke.

I think that I started out pretty well. I was proud of myself. John and I used to work together many years ago at a local gym. I  had seen what he had done in his life and when I wanted to make changes I knew that he was the one that would work for me. He is nice, and kind, and open to whole body training and the importance between the mind/body connection. He believes in many of the same philosophies as I do. He believes that it is about more than weight or an "image",  He truly lives and practises what he preaches, but he expects that you come prepared to give it all you've got.

In his gentle way he observed me, coached me, and asked me to get just a bit more out of myself. Then he pulled up a mat, offered me some water, and let me lay down for a bit so I didn't puke or pass out. He wants people to push themselves, but he wants them to come back.  And then he told me to "consider it a good first day".

I know he will make me stronger. I know that he wants me to be the best that I can be. He believes that every body deserves the chance to function fully and healthfully. He has ideas and resources and the personality to help people become more than they might imagine.

I am hoping to get stronger and leaner. I am hoping to look like the athlete that I am. I am prepared to push myself and to ask more of myself every single time. But, it is easier to do this when there is someone pushing you and willing you to do better. 

So when I was laying on the floor I realised that " just when you think you are getting in shape, you work with a trainer who shows you how out of shape you are, and just how much further you can go". And that is why it is important to use all of the tools available to you and to change it up once in a while. Your body really does get used to what you do to it, and it really likes to do the same things because it becomes easy. Get out of the easy and challenge yourself. I am going to, and I can't wait to see what I find.

change it up

Whenever things aren't really working, whenever you are stuck in a rut, it is always a good idea to change things up. The experts recommend that we change our workouts so that our bodies don't become accustomed to what we are throwing at them and function on auto pilot. They suggest that we change exercises, fine tune routines, change or vary the intensity. 

Well I figure that it is time that I make some changes so that I can progress to the next level. I have planned to buy into the Master Swim Class again in January. I am in the middle of another 1/2 marathon clinic with a new teacher to get pushed harder and farther to prepare to beat the Bay.  But if I want to get stronger all around and improve the swim, the bike, and the run, I need to increase my core training and intensity.

Today I am going to see a trainer who promises to remove the last unwanted pounds from my difficult to manage self. He promises that the thyroid issues will not be in my way forever. He tells me that he can make me stronger and leaner. I wonder if he wants to be like Jillian and Bob and wants to make me puke? Will I puke?  I don't like to puke.

I am going to see him at 1pm. That visit is followed by a well timed massage therapist appointment.  If I make it, I will come back here and give my first ever 2nd blog post of the day to fill you in on the details. 

Until then, I will keep my fingers crossed and hope that I make it through challenged but not puking.

Thank you Ironman

Can you please pass the tissues?

Yesterday I watched the televised version of Ironman Hawaii. I have watched this event since it first premiered on television in the 1980's and Julie Moss struggled to complete the run.  Her struggle but utter determination in an event so extreme stuck with me. I have a very real, basic, visceral reaction to that memory.  The vision of her in her trucker hat and track shorts wobbling but willing herself forward sits in my mind and reminds me how much is possible.

Ever since that day triathlon, and specifically Ironman or the iron distance has been a seed in my mind. A little bit of a growth daring me to think about it, to feed it, to dare to dream about it.

I have completed the Try-a-Tri, Sprint and most of the Olympic Distance Triathlon. I have fed the seed and watered it and played in its playground.  I have ran many foot races, swam many laps in the pool, and bicycled for hours.  I have trained in the gym to make my body stronger, and I have stayed in the yoga hot room to make my body stronger and my mind stronger.  I have connected to the dream and I have committed to it.

I have many races and small goals set, all in line in one master plan to reach the pinnacle, the summit, to earn the chance to be called an "Ironman".  It is blocked out in time and space. I have picked the races and the places and know the path that I will take to get there. I will be counted among the few that have gone the distance.

Every year that I watched the race it added fuel to the dream. But it always seemed just a little unreachable. I always marvelled at the will and the ability of the people that were able to compete in and finish the Ironman Championship.  It always brought a tear to my eyes.

But now that I have started in the sport it resonates on a different level.  I feel the nerves and the anxiety at the daunting mass start swim. I can imagine fully how challenging and scary it must be for the first 10minutes or so of that race. I can also imagine the swelling of emotion at the start. The pride in oneself for having the determination to put in the effort and the miles to toe the start line. And I can appreciate the utter joy at crossing the finish line and becoming part of the elite group that is able to state "I am an Ironman".

So today I want to thank all of the professionals who make it look so elegant and show us what grace in human efficiency and form looks like.  I want to thank all of the age groupers who prove that with time and effort and a little discipline people like me, the every man can achieve what once seemed impossible. I thank you for showing me what we can do, and how great we can be.

I want to thank Mike Riley for being the voice in my head that spurs me on in my training. You might not ever actually call out my name in any of the races I compete at, but you challenge and encourage me all the same. I want to thank my friends and my brother for motivating me to start in the first place.  I want to thank Mitch and Janet Fraser, and Barry Sheply for your inclusion at making feel like part of the triathlon team in Ontario.  Thank you to Subaru, Milk, Ford, Ironman and Trisport for all of the races and all of the distances so that I can train and watch and learn and continue to be inspired to be a better me. Thank you Kona for the dream.

Now, I am off to run 12km so I can build myself up and take one more step toward the end goal.  Please pass the tissue so that I can wipe the tears of joy off of my face and focus on the dream that I am running toward.

When do you get nervous?

It has been a long time since I was nervous about running. The thing is I basically know that I will cover the distance. I will not be the first, the thinnest, or the best looking runner, but I will get it done.  That said, every now and then we encounter a new challenge and with that sometimes comes nerves. I am finding that this isn't always related to the distance.

Our new group is very large. There seem to be about 30 people in the new 1/2 Marathon clinic.  This normally would not bother me, but there are people that I would like to run with and I am not as fast as them yet. There are people that I would like to help out, but I am worried that they will eclipse me too. 

Hill training is fast approaching us. This involves a 3km warm up run over to the hill at Mac. Then we start with (3) times up and down the hill followed by our return to the store.  We build strength and endurance by adding an additional up and down each week until we hit (8) repeats of the hill.  I had gotten quite good at this by my second to last clinic. But last clinic I had some knee and IT issues, as well as some heart rate issues from trying to sort out the thyroid levels. At times I stopped running up the hill because I had gone completely numb in my left hand. This really frightened me. I did not say anything to anyone about it, I just quietly took a bit of a breather and then carried on.

To tell you the truth running hills is a bit of a skill. The better that you get at it, the better that you get at running in general.  I want to get back to the form that I was proud of 2 clinics ago when I was actually beating people and not finishing at the very back of the pack. For all of the positive talk, it is nice to be able to finish in the middle some of the time.

So I ask myself what am I really scared of? What has really got me so nervous?  I have to be honest. It is not about what others think of me, it is what I think of myself. Once I am capable of something I expect to always be capable of it.  I am nervous because at the present moment, I am not sure if I will meet my own expectations. There is a lot of pressure on my shoulders, but it is all placed there by me. If I remove the pressure will it make me less of a competitive and, therefore, competent runner? If I give myself a break, will I take too much of a break? Do I not have to place this pressure on myself in order to get better and to learn? 

There is a lesson here. I just hope that I open my heart to it and learn it before I cause myself any pain or embarrassment.

12 days of kindness

Every year at Christmas time, since I was broke and in school, I have tried to create a "12 Days of Kindness" movement around Christmas.  I have done my part to try to make the season a little more meaningful than presents and money spent. I have done things like helping strangers, holding doors, returning bus passes, and giving to local food banks.  It has always made me feel really good.

A few months ago some friends and I were talking about acts of kindness and I shared my Christmas tradition with them. They encouraged me to invite people to join me this year by creating an event on Facebook.

The event started on December 1st. I invited people to join me, and to ask their friends to join us too. I asked people to be creative and think of ways to extend kindness to one another, and I encouraged them to think beyond the monetary.  I then asked them to come back to the event page daily and share their stories with one another. I thought this would help us all to be more creative, and if we heard an idea that we liked, it would make it easier to continue by "borrowing" and idea and using it as well.

It has been 4 days so far and the most wonderful thing has happened. We are all starting to be more aware of the way we engage with people. We are actively thinking of ways to be more kind and generous of spirit and we are sharing our stories. But, a wonderful aside has happened. As part of the project, people are starting to share stories of kindness that have happened to them, or to friends of theirs over the course of the day. It has warmed my heart and I hope it has warmed the hearts of all of the people that are taking part.

So far, this December has brought me some new friends, some wonderful stories of sharing and caring, and a warm and happy heart. I can't think of anything more in the spirit of Christmas that I could have asked for. I think, for me, that Christmas has come early.This is truly a very merry time and a wonderful Christmas. I am looking forward to the next 8 days and the warmth and love that will be shared.

Peace and blessings of the Christmas season to you all.

what it means to help

I am a firm believer that if you know, you teach. If you have, you share. If you need, you ask for help. That is the way that my world works, and I must admit that I don't really understand others who operate differently.

One of the most baffling persons I ever met had an attitude of "job protectionism".  He made sure that there were certain elements of his job that he would never, ever share with anyone. He would not teach anyone his entire job.  He reasoned that with "gaps" in knowledge no one would be able to perform his job to completion or perfection if he was away on holidays or off sick, and this would serve as a reminder to his employers that they needed him. Therefore, he reasoned, his job would be safe and he would never be fired.

In my mind, he failed to count on two things.  The first thing is what he missed out on by trying to protect his job. Without showing anyone what he really did, he missed an opportunity to have someone show him how to do something differently, more efficiently, perhaps better. This brings point number two which is that he never really allowed himself to work with someone either so he never fully developed work bonds and could not surround himself with people that wanted to work with or for him.  In the end he was a bit of an unhappy island and he wound up quitting his job completely miserable with his working environment. I wonder if he learnt anything?

The next type of person that just astounds me is the person that hordes all he/she has. This can be a minute amount of stuff or a plethora of goods.  I have always believed that the richest of people can have nothing because if all they have is money, all they have is money. In order to be truly rich you need to have people in your life that value you and that you value. You need love and companionship. You need joy and good in your life. You need to experience life in order to really live it.  If you hold on to what you have then you wind up holding on very tightly to worldly goods while the world and those in it slip further and further from your grasp. We are social beings and it is in our best interest to share what is ours. This will bring others to us, and us to others. It will ensure that we have to give and that others give to us.  This is what makes us rich beyond measure.  Money helps, but without anything else in your life, I put you in the "have not" column by a long shot.

And lastly, if you need help ask. Or, if help is offered take it. It is not a sign of weakness to ask for help, in fact it is an act of bravery to have enough faith in another person to share your need and to ask for their help.  Please too remember that when someone offers to help, it is as hurtful to them to be turned down, as it is when you know someone has the means to help and when you ask they refuse.  A kind person is willing to help, sometimes they just need you to ask so that they know you are open to it and that his or her offer will not be rebuked.

And lastly, if you are going to teach, if you are going to share, if you are going to help, please do it from a place of good intention and spirit and not from a place of ego.  Believe me you are not helping your friend learn to run when all you do is belittle her, mock her, or make her exceed her potential. You help her by getting out there with her and encouraging her to place one foot in front of the other. You become her cheerleader and she will amaze you with how far she can go.  Motivating is encouragement and love.  Scolding is shameful and rude and it destroys rather than creates motivation. 

If you are going to share give from the heart and do so with no expectation. Do not give under the condition that the person you share with is going to reciprocate. We are all able to chose who we share with, when we share, and what we share.   And lastly, when you help do so with a generous heart.  Help because it is the right thing to do and because it helps you as much as the person who needs it.  Help because it is healing and kind and it will make you grow into a better person. Help quietly and without judgement because as soon as you judge, you negate the deed. If you cannot help without passing judgement then please do not offer assistance, someone else will do so instead.  Also, only help within your limits.  I will not extend myself beyond my means, I will not brake any laws, and I reserve the right to back away if it gets to be too much for me to handle.

Hugs to all of you as we enter December. I hope that we all become a little softer and remember that we all have it in us to help someone less fortunate than we are. And, I'm not talking money.